Korean Kneecaps Report

The Royals took to the Woodroffe field Friday to face a team we remember from last year, the Korean Whitecaps, and welcomed coach Harry van Dyk back from his fruitless scouting mission to the Netherlands for a team penalty-taker.

Irony is as important a part of modern day football as it is of modern day life, and this was demonstrated most clearly in the game's first action of note. The Royals, off to their usual zippy start with Graham Cathcart pulling the strings in midfield, were handed a gift when a Whitecaps defender reached over his head and handled the ball in the area for no good reason (maybe "because it was there"). Coach van Dyk's call for an Italian to take the penalty was not heeded, as Brian van Harcombe stepped up and promptly laced the ball against the right upright. The force of the shot was such that the rebound flew right by onrushing midfielder Matthew Blackwell, and the chance was gone.

But this game would be a one-sided affair, and it took but a few minutes more for the difference in talent to show. Cathcart intercepted a ball inside the Whitecaps half, advanced, saw a struggling goalkeeper ahead and launched a long lob goalward. His aim was true (Cathcart's, not the keeper's), and it seemed a route was underway. Funnily enough, it took another 15 minutes for the evident domination to be made more apparent on the score sheet. When it did happen, it was lightning quick, and the game's story was all but written. A fine pass from Blackwell found happy van Harcombe, and he volleyed home a beauty. Three minutes later, van Harcombe again pounced on a loose ball, turned, and put home a third.

The only Royals' complaint at this point was from left wing Andy Steele, who worried that his starting spot was in jeopardy as he hadn't gotten a goal in 2 games, and he didn't so much ask so much as he bleated for more of the ball. A confused situation developed on the right side of the Whitecaps area following an incisive pass from Italian import Mario Arnone. Out of this confusion, the hyperactive Blackwell again turned provider. He lashed a ball across the front of the net, and Steele showed up at the far post to demonstrate his unique striking ability, putting home a goal that will go down in history as half Hand of God and half Belly of Scots.

4-0, and the clearly superior second stringers hadn't even come on yet! That would be remedied, and the onslaught only intensified. At 35 minutes, another good push up the right by Blackwell won the ball and he laid off for Riccardo Brun Del Re, happily in the team after turning down a Bosman transfer back to his home town team in Udine. Riccardo Brun del Re, happy to be with a team that spoke his language (ed. think "dood!"), teed it up for incoming midfielder Doug Green, and his Cathcartian impression curled into the upper left corner beyond a slightly confused Whitecaps goalie.

The half ended shortly thereafter, but one should note that there were actions from the KWC, which created concern, if not grave danger, for the Royals defense. Much of the good defensive work came from right back Richard Gravel and central defender Jeff McNamee. Right back Mike Fournier and sweeper Paul Dickins were able to push forward frequently and serve as the launching ramp for much of the Royals' attacking play. One should not ignore the contribution of keeper Larry Everett in this game, as he did have to make one save and come out to collect some potentially dangerous long balls which had been put forward. That said, he still had time to collect several nice dandelions to present to Mike's wife Cathi, faithfully present as always, at the half.

The second half was not quite as nice as the first, unless your name was Blackwell or Harcombe. It started as a simple exercise in keeping at our game and managing the lead well. Sure enough, good interplay between left midfielder Nigel Parker and right winger Ken Slemko gave Blackwell his chance, and he pocketed his well-deserved first goal of the year. The game was nearing its hour mark when Harcombe stole a ball, slipped behind the Whitecaps defense, and became the first Royals' OT4 player ever to complete a hat trick.

Visions of the team paying for an evening's worth of champagne room dances were dancing through van Harcombe's head when storm clouds suddenly arose over the game, and over the Royals' psyche. A bad foul by a Whitecaps' player on Parker brought admonishment more from the offended Royal than from the referee. In honesty, the foul may have been less malicious in nature than the result of some clumsiness (incompetent idiocy, ed) and a slick turf, but it led to the most unseemly incident this Royals' team has experienced. Van Dyk had begun the game with the exhortation to "forget what happened last year" (cf. Paul's page on last year's game), but in the end, that was not possible.

Very shortly afterward, verbal sparring erupted between a non-playing member of the Whitecaps' delegation and Dickins. Dickins wanted to ensure that the Whitecaps, and the referee, knew that he - perhaps on behalf of the team - would not settle for the ersatz friendliness which followed the foul which came all too close to ending Parker's season. Attempts by a couple of team mates, particularly Green, to calm him simply antagonized him further.

Van Dyk's decision to sub him off shortly thereafter, in order to preserve him for the very demanding test upcoming vs. Chelsea, was not happily received. Dickins departed early, and the tension and verbal sparring, which had begun between members of the opposing teams, thus really affected how the Royals looked at each other.

If one was necessary, a further demonstration of the place of irony is the observation that this is the second year in a row in which the Royals have come out of a game handicapped by actions which occurred during a game vs. the Whitecaps. This is not to say that the Whitecaps should be blamed for what transpired (they were, in this game, almost to a man friendly, of decent athletic quality and well-intentioned). And is it not irony again that, while winning by our biggest margin yet (and in theory showing ourselves at our strongest), we significantly weakened ourselves as a team?

The Royals did score another goal: Matt Blackwell capping off his best performance yet for the team with the Royals' eighth, but worries about the conditions of Dickins' departure were clearly on everybody's mind (even though van Dyk had the presence of mind to correct the referee when he tried to hand us a final game sheets showing only a 7-0 win. Harry has been around the block a few times, and that includes being on the wrong end of a championship battle decided by goal difference).

Man of the match is awarded jointly to van Harcombe, for the OT4's historic first hat trick, to Blackwell for his impressive tally of goals and assists, and to Fournier C., for putting up with our constipatorial wheezing and whining. This observer can't in his short life recall such a one-sided win having leaving such a bittersweet taste. Surely, the fans who were out (for Cathi had been good enough to bring along a friend) couldn't have been overjoyed at seeing human foibles displayed so clearly, all the angst and fury coming as it did from an incident in a fourth division old timers' soccer game.

Perhaps, if each member of the team explained it to her thusly (that would be impossible, as it would make them too well spoken to be allowed to play for the Royals): "You must bear with me. Pray you now, forget and forgive. I am old and foolish.". Ah yes, maybe that would explain it.... Sorry, your Gitte-ishness, I wanted to find something else, either Hamlet or perhaps MacBeth, but the only Shakespeare tome I have is King Lear (it's Act IV, Scene 7, in case you were wondering).

Oh, dear, I was supposed to finish this by 1 AM! Good night!